Sarah J. Blige

Getting my cook on

I started a new job a couple of months ago and in an office of 15 employees, I am the only vegan. And with a new job comes new people asking the same old question in regard to my eating habits and choice to be vegan: What do you eat? It never ceases to amaze me how confused omnivores become when you eliminate meat and dairy from the food equation. They seem to forget entirely about the other (far more nutritional) food groups, as though meat and dairy are the only reasonable choices and you simply cannot eat a well-balanced meal without them. My usual response is a somewhat snotty, Whatever I want. Food tastes so much better when it’s free of pain, suffering and despair.

But I won’t go into vegan eating 101, since I’ve already been there and done that with The Basics of Veganism. Instead, I’ll post a couple of my favorite (and easiest) 100% cruelty-free recipes, because I love you and don’t want you to be fat and unhealthy. Bon appétit!

Gorge-worthy guacamole:
Total time: 15 minutes

My most-declicious guacamole: I must be part Mexican

What you’ll need:

2 ripe avocados*
1/3 small tomato
1/4 purple onion
1 clove garlic
1/4 lemon
1 pinch each paprika, seasoned salt, pepper, cayenne pepper (spice to taste)
1-2 tablespoons cilantro, diced

a bowl, a sharp knife, and a fork

*the trick to choosing perfectly ripe avocados is to find the ones that are starting to turn a purplish brown color and have just a little give when squish them gently. If there are any really squishy parts or the whole thing is overly soft, move on.

How to make it:

- Slice the avos lengthwise, and gently twist the two halves in opposite directions to separate them from the pit. (Fun fact: the avocado is actually a fruit — a berry, to be precise — not a veggie. But don’t let that freak you out.)
- Slice a checkboard into each half (top-to-bottom and side-to-side), being careful not to cut through the skin, especially if you’re cradling the avo in your hand while you slice.
- Scoop the sliced-up avocado out of the shell/skin and into your bowl. Mash it around a little for fun, if you want.
- Dice the garlic, onion, tomato and cilantro as finely as possible. It’s okay to have bigger chunks of tomato, but no one likes biting into a massive chunk of raw garlic or onion, so be more finicky with these.  Toss ‘em all in.
- Cut your slice of lemon and squeeze that baby into the bowl.
- Add paprika, seasoned salt, pepper and cayenne pepper to taste. The spice (and the lemon) is the key to excellent guac, so just start with a little if you’re scared your first time (which is totally normal), and add more as needed.
- Serve with tortilla chips (I like the blue and red ones), or use as a side for your favorite Mexican dish.

Beertastic dill bread:
Prep time: 10 minutes Baking time: 35-40 minutes Total time: 45-50 minutes

Fresh out of the oven

What you’ll need:

3 cups flour*
12 ounces of beer
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 teaspoons baking powder
2 tablespoons cane sugar
3 tablespoons FRESH  dill, chopped
1 clove garlic, chopped (optional)
1 green onion, diced (optional)

9″ bread pan, a big mixing bowl and a spoon

*this recipe calls for all-purpose flour, but I’ve also used whole wheat and pastry flour, and they all turned out delicious. You may have to adjust the amount of liquid (add more beer, or use water) to achieve the right consistency when using flour other than all-purpose.
How to make it:

- Preheat the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit and lightly grease a 9″ bread pan with canola oil or vegan margarine.
- Finely dice your fresh dill, as well as the onion and garlic, if you’re using it. (You can get creative and use other herbs and seasonings. Throw in whatever your little baker’s heart desires.)
- In a big mixing bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder and salt. Toss in dill and other chopped ingredients.
- Slowly pour in beer and mix well, until all ingredients are properly blended.
- Pour batter into bread ban and stick it in the oven.
- Bake for 35 to 40 minutes, or until bread is golden brown.
- Remove from oven and let cool for about 5 minutes, or as long as you can wait.
- Slice and spread on a little vegan margarine for extra deliciousness.
- Enjoy the smell of fresh dilly bread wafting through your home and the satisfaction of being an awesome cook.